mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
