My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
