I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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