so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's blow job season.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
