C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
