I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
