Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
