Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
