he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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