my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
