trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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