I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
40s are totally the cure
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
