We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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