The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
