Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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