You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
