Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
