She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
