is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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