Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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