I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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