Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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