New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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