It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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