If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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