it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didn't notice because vodka
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
