the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
