You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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