my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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