I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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