is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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