we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
