Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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