There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
