bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
