Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
