He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
