i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
