I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
