Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
