"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
