bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
tell me about the eggs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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