Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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