He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
