I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
