i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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