its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
