I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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