feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
