Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to make out with him forever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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