thus making me awesome and them whores
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
