so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
